As a dog walker, I find myself in lots of different neighborhoods which gives me plenty of opportunities to see plenty of strange things. For example, I once saw a guy in downtown Rahway wearing an ankle bracelet not unlike the ones sported by Lindsay Lohan and Martha Stewart during some of their, shall we say, not-so-proud moments. Now, if you live in Watts or Newark you might see that everyday, but to this middle class gal from the heart of latte-drinking suburbia, it made me glad I was walking a Rottweiler at the time! Another time I saw a man doing yard work in his boxers; not just once, but several times. I'm pretty sure he was from another country, but you'd think that his family or maybe even a close neighbor would educate him as to what is, and is not, proper weed-whacking attire. But, by far, the weirdest thing I have ever seen is two dead pigeons. OK, so I can hear you saying, "Big deal. What's so weird about a couple of dead pigeons, Stace?" Well, for starters, they were both on the same property; one on the sidewalk and one by the driveway. Then, you have to think about where you find pigeons; usually in large, smog-filled urban cities, which this most definitely was not. Last, seeing one dead pigeon would've been noteworthy, but two? I happen to think that's downright spooky.
Now let's think about this for a minute. Doesn't the situation beg the obvious question, "What could kill two pigeons at the same time in the same place?" My first thought was an environmental toxin of some sort. After all, everyone and their brother has a lawn service these days and we all know that those little yellow flags do not denote that that particular lawn is rife with environmentally-friendly substances. Heck no! So maybe those two pigeons happened to be on vacation in the 'burbs and thought they'd nibble on some fresh greens while they were here. "What could be healthier than a nice fresh Cobb salad to go with all this clean, fresh air," they probably thought to themselves. So they chowed down, and then, as they tried to fly back to the big city, oops... "Not quite as organic as it looked!" Cough! Choke! Thud!
Another scenario I considered was that they were kamikaze pigeons who flew into car windows. Nah! Or maybe they were victims of other animals. Like what? The only other unleashed animals I've ever seen in that neighborhood are squirrels and chipmunks. I've never even seen a tabby cat prowling around. Could a gang of teeny, tiny, marauding rodents have caused the demise of these two wayward birds? Probably not. My next thought sent a shiver down my spine. Maybe they were shot! Really? Was someone in this picturesque, upscale neighborhood taking potshots at pigeons? I certainly wasn't about to do a post mortem on the bodies looking for bullet holes or bloodstains, but as Rocky (the cute, little chihuahua at the end of my leash) and I walked past the carcasses, I looked up to see if I could spot any snipers. Maybe it was some kid with a BB gun. After all, it was after 3pm and school was out. Who knew what kind of mischief these latch-key kids were up to. Then another thought crossed my mind; if they got tired of using pigeons for target practice, would they move onto, oh, I don't know, chihuahuas maybe??! Yikes!! Don't worry Rocky, I'll save you little buddy!
By this time you're probably thinking, "Gee Stace, you have way too much time to think while you're walking these dogs! Why don't you get yourself an ipod or something? Take your mind off pigeon snipers for a little while, huh? Or maybe a nice, safe desk job that doesn't involve dead pigeons or chihuahuas. Wouldn't that be a relief?" Nice try, but no thanks. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this mystery if it's the last thing I do. And then it hit me. This was most certainly a deliberate act; probably the handiwork of some strange cult. That's why the pigeons were on the same property at the same time. These people were in the process of surrounding their house with dead pigeons!! Now why would someone surround their house with dead pigeons? To ward off, what, neighborhood dogs pooping on their lawn? Hmmm....now that I think about it.......
